In the beginning was the Plan.
And
then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without
form.
And the Plan was without substance.
And darkness
was upon the face of the Workers.
And the workers spoke among
themselves, saying, "This is a crock of shit, and it
stinks."
And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It
is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a
container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may
abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its
strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one
another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very
strong."
And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto
them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.."
And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This
new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the
company with very powerful effects."
And the
President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the
Plan became Policy.
And that, my friends, is how shit
happens.
We all knew it, but here is the mathematical proof ... (remember this at your next raise)
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous Mathematical Proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money
As every engineer knows,
Work
--------- = Power
Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have
Work
--------- = Knowledge
Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work
---------------- = Money
Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: THE LESS YOU KNOW, THE MORE YOU MAKE
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high...
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fornight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, " I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, " We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.